The Three of Us
by Numbatstuff
Summary: This story follows on from "Apart". I don't really want to say too much - please read and find out for yourselves what happens next.
1. A Little Less Conversation

I'm saying nothing. Other than this story does have 2 chapters – so make sure you read the second as well. You'll want too………

Soundtrack: Honesty – Billy Joel

If you search for tenderness, it isn't hard to find

You can have the love you need to live

But if you look for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind

It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

There was a knock on the door. Jacob groaned inwardly, fuuuuuuck. It had been a long, long day at the end of 10 long, long days in Geneva and all he wanted to do was to take a long hot shower, order a meal from room service and then try to get some sleep before he flew home in the morning.

He'd had a big night the evening before with his colleagues from CERN, hadn't got to bed til 3am and was up again at 5am to write a report, before heading back into CERN to wrap up the project.

Surely it wasn't the guys back for another night on the town like the night before. He wasn't sure he could cope with another evening like that.

He was in the bathroom and had been about to step into the shower, so he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist before opening the hotel room door.

He leaned on the open door, stood and looked silently at the person before him.

He'd never seen such a beautiful sight in his life.

She was breathtaking.

She was holding a big cream coloured cake topped with a mass of orange flaming candles.

"Happy Birthday Jacob" she said simply, looking at him with such radiance in her eyes that he almost broke down.

"Rachel."

Her face was lit with the gentle flicker of the tiny flames dancing on top of the cake, illuminating her gentle blue eyes and highlighting her golden hair.

He stood silently for a few moments.

"You are without doubt, _the_ most beautiful thing I've seen in two weeks," he said finally.

As much as he wanted to reach out and touch her, take her in his arms and hold her, for now he was completely content just to stand and look at her, to drink in her luminous beauty.

"Jacob, could you blow out your candles so I can put this cake down? It's quite heavy." she said hopefully.

He smiled and lent forward, gently blowing out the flames. Then he leaned over the cake and kissed her gently on the lips. Tentatively, wistfully, longingly.

"I've missed you," he murmured into her mouth.

She closed her eyes as he kissed her. Luxuriated in the touch of his gentle lips on hers. The kiss finished but he didn't move. Just stayed there, his lips barely touching hers, eyes closed, forehead resting on hers.

"I love you," he whispered finally.

He gently took the cake out of her hands and placed it on the table next to him. He reached down next to her and picked up her overnight case, placed it under the table, unbuttoned the two buttons on her coat and slipped it off of her shoulders and put it over the back of a chair. Then he swang the door shut behind her.

Finally, he stood before her, took her face in his two hands and kissed her skin gently, barely touching her face with his lips, one cheek then the other, her eyelids, her forehead, her chin.

He slid one hand down to her bottom and the other behind her head, winding his fingers through her hair and pulling her hard and strong into his half naked body. And then he kissed her mouth, long and deep and hard, as she had never been kissed before. His lips were gentle but demanding, his mouth passionate and skilful, the sweet tip of his tongue finding hers in a touch so intimate that it made her gasp.

If she ever had any doubts as to the depth of his feeling for her, they were swept aside in that very moment.

She ran her hands slowly up his body, over his bare chest, down to his warm belly, round his sides, feeling the strength in the muscles of his back, up to his strong shoulders. She was completely and utterly lost in him, lost in the passion of his kiss, the taste of his mouth, the feel of his body.

"I can't believe how much I've missed you," she murmured as his mouth moved to her neck, nipping at the sensitive skin behind her ear. She tipped her head back, his tongue teasing her neck, sending shivers down her spine "God, I love you Jacob.

He started to walk slowly backwards, drawing her with him towards the bed, his mouth locked on hers. As the bed touched the back of his knees, he sat and pulled her onto his lap, his hands never leaving her body, pressing her into him. She squeezed her hands between their bodies, pushed his shoulders down until he was laying flat on the bed, his feet still on the floor. She could feel him thick and hard and urgent, pressing up into her groin. She moved her hips slowly against him and he groaned.

"You feel so good Jake," she whispered, running her hand down to his waist, down to the knot of the towel.

He moved his hand onto hers. "No sweetheart," he murmured.

Undeterred, she sat up straight, her legs straddling him, and slowly began to undo the pearl buttons of her midnight blue dress. The buttons ran down the full length of the dress and she opened it like a shirt, revealing the black French lace bra and panties she wore with garter belt and stockings. He groaned and slid his hands up her stockinged legs to the warm, bare, soft flesh of her thighs, caressed her skin with his thumbs.

"My god Rachel, you have the most beautiful body, you have no idea what you do to me…"

She saw his eyes drinking in the view of her, his eyes dark with lust, his lips apart, his breath rough in his throat. He reached his hands up to her shoulders and drew the dress down her arms slowly. His fingers, barely touching her skin, travelled back up her arms and over the delicate skin of her shoulders. Holding his breath, he ran the pads of his thumbs down over the warm swell of her breast and the delicate, seductive fabric of her bra, until he reached her nipples, hot and hard beneath the sheer lace.

She was having trouble breathing, the feel of his hands on her body and the pure arousal on his face was turning her upside down. She couldn't ever remember a man looking at her with such unbridled love and desire, and it made her feel sexual and powerful. She slowly ground her hips against his, the feeling of him so hard against her making her desperate to unknot his towel, release him, sink herself onto him, take him deep, deep inside her.

She gasped with the thought of it and ran her hands slowly up over his belly and chest, luxuriated in the feel of his muscular frame under his skin, the soft hair of his chest. She bent her head to his left nipple, licking it, flicking it with her tongue while her fingers toyed with his right. The movement in her pelvis as she bent placed him in a perfect position to enter her, with just her panties and the towel providing a barrier between them. He ran his hands down, over the warm skin of her waist to the curve of her hips and gripped her tightly, his fingers desperate against her hipbones. He pulled her down hard against him and moved her across him, thrusting up slightly to meet her.

She saw him bite his bottom lip, heard him groan in frustration.

"I need you, my beautiful," he murmured, his eyes closed. His voice was ragged and she felt the desire dripping from his words "I need you so much I can hardly even speak, but I don't want us to make love again until we've talked. I want you more than I can express in words, but until we've talked about some of this stuff that's going on between us right now, I don't think we should. I don't think it would be fair on either of us just to fall back into bed."

She sat upright again; the movement of her groin against his making him draw breath. She could see he was barely holding himself together and she was tempted to seduce him, knew that she could convince him to make love to her by moving her hips against him, by reaching behind her and unsnapping her bra, taking his big hands in hers and cupping them over her bare breasts, by leaning forward, letting her hard nipples brush his chest, by running her the tip of her tongue around his ear, by whispering to him seductively, telling him what she wanted to do to him.

She suspected he was possibly right, but she hated his decision. Her body and her mind desperately wanted to make love to him. Somewhere in her heart she knew that they needed to talk more than they needed to have sex. But they really, really needed to have sex, she thought ruefully; _she_ really, really needed to have sex with him. She was imagining the feeling of him filling her, and it made her squirm in anticipation.

"Please Jake, don't do this to me. I want you so much…"

He put his hands around her waist and moved her gently off him, lay her on the bed. He turned onto his side and they lay facing each other.

She moved her hands up to his face, ran her fingers along his cheekbones, her thumbs on his lips. "I've missed your face."

He kissed the pads of her thumbs gently. "Why are you here Rachel? I thought you were going to the beach house. I thought you needed to be alone."

"I've been alone all week, Jake. I've been alone all week, in Chicago, doing a job I hate for a woman that I completely despise, that horrible Madeline Cox…"

He raised his eyebrows,

"… all the time wishing that I hadn't written that letter, worrying about you, worrying about us. And I knew it was your birthday, and I knew I was going to miss it…"

"You were going to see me tomorrow"

"… I know but your birthday's today, well was today, I've pretty much missed it already. I couldn't bear to think of you alone on your birthday. And I just couldn't wait to see you any more Jacob. I couldn't bear to be away from you for a second longer than I needed to."

She buried her face in his chest, and he felt the wetness of her tears on his skin.

"And I forget to bring your present with me, it's still on my bed at home," she sniffed.

"Don't cry beautiful," he whispered into the top of her head. "You're here now." He held her in his arms. "You are the best birthday present I could have possibly hoped for."

They just lay there for a while, luxuriating in the feel of the others body.

"It's so good just to hold you Rachel," he whispered. "So good to feel you again. You must be tired though, and thirsty. Can I get you something? Can I make you some coffee or get you some water or a soda or some wine?"

"You're not drinking wine from the mini bar are you? I've told you before…"

"Ssssh," he put his finger to her lips. "I can spend my money however I like. And I will spend it on wine from the mini bar to share with the woman I love on my birthday if I want to. In fact I think we should clear out the entire thing. We're not going out, so lets have a mini bar party instead."

She laughed, "you are stupid sometimes."

She felt the muscles in his body tense just a fraction. She wondered why.

He stood up, and walked to the fridge, "that's funny. According to your letter, I'm stupid quite a lot of the time."

She studied the back of his dark head as he bent to get a bottle of wine out of the fridge.

"Champagne, chardonnay or merlot," he asked, turning his head to look at her. She saw his face had hardened a little.

She drew breath. Her hands felt shaky. Was this the start………… no, she had to hold it together. He wasn't angry, he just needed to talk to her, that was all. 'Don't overreact Rachel,' she thought.

"Merlot would be nice," she said quietly.

With his back to her, he closed the fridge and took the bottle of red wine and two glasses out of the side cupboard. Opened the wine and poured.

The silence in the room hung heavy between them.

She watched the interplay of the muscles in his back as he moved. He had a beautiful back she thought. She was particularly entranced by the ridged line of muscle, which ran up either side of his spine, and the big muscles that ran across the top of his shoulders.

"I'd love you to get another tattoo one day," she commented, "across the top of your back or a shoulder cap or bicep cuff."

He turned slowly, looked at her, frowning.

"You say the oddest things to me sometimes Rachel, at the oddest times."

He walked over to her and handed her one of the glasses. Put the bottle on the bedside table. Sat down on the bed, next to her.

She ran her other hand across his upper back. "I love your back, you know, you'd look great with a big one right across here."

He narrowed his eyes at her incredulously, "are you making fun of me now. I didn't realise that you hated my tattoos as well."

"As well? As well as who?"

"Oh, never mind, just people." He didn't think it was a great time to start talking about Anna,

"No. I love them Jake. I love that you have something so completely opposite to the you that you present to the world. Something hidden, something that only the people closest to you know about."

He smiled slightly, "I didn't know you felt like that. Most other people don't understand why I have them."

She laughed, "see now, you think you know me don't you, but I don't think you know me at all."

It was his turn to laugh. "No, I don't even pretend to know you to be quite honest. I certainly don't begin to understand you. Believe me Rachel. I don't think I'll ever understand you."

She looked at him playfully, "well I'll help you a little bit. I love driving fast cars…"

He raised his eyebrows and looked about to say something, but changed his mind.

"…and firing my weapon, hitting a perfect score at the shooting range, I love baking, and I love shopping, I love getting dressed up, and I love extreme sports..."

He nodded slowly; he hadn't known that.

"…but most of all I love big, handsome, clever, curly dark haired men with tattoos. I adore your sexy little seahorse, Jake and the yin yang on your hip. I'd love you to get another one day."

She ran her hand down his side to the infinity tattoo, "but I love this one most of all." She leaned over and kissed it, trailed her tongue over the figure 8 pattern.

"Mmmm, Rachel, you're driving me nuts," he murmured.

She moved her hand into his crotch as she kissed his body; felt him still thick and hard under the towel.

He placed his hand over hers and moved it upwards away from his lap.

"No Rachel, I was serious about what I said. I don't think I should have sex with you again until we've sorted some of this mess out. I think we should wait until we get back to the beach house. I still want to go there and spend some time with you, talk, think."

"Mmmm, but you do seem to want to have sex with me though," she said, moving her hand back down and squeezing his thick erection, making him squirm. "You aren't really going to keep me away from this no matter how much you try, you know that don't you. What, are you trying your delayed gratification strategy again?" she winked.

"No sweetheart, it's nothing like that."

"Oh I know, you think that if you tease me with your impressive hard on for long enough, that I'll agree to your terms just so I can get in your pants. You're such an egomaniac sometimes."

He raised his eyebrows sharply, "I hope you're joking."

"Of course I am you silly man. What's the reason then, what possible reason could there be for us not to have sex right now when we both want to so much."

"Rachel, I don't want to have sex with you while I'm thinking that this could be the last time. I want to know that we're forever. If I'm thinking all the while that we may never do this again, I won't…"

"What you won't be able to perform," she laughed.

"Now, this is exactly what I'm talking about Rachel. Why do you have to make jokes and put up this wall when we get close to actually saying something to each other that matters. I don't believe this is really you; this is just an act isn't it? An act you put on to protect yourself from hearing something that might hurt you."

She drew breath. It wasn't like him to speak sharply to her like that. Her face softened, "I'm sorry Jake, that was wrong of me. Tell me your reason and I won't interrupt or make jokes, I'll listen to you."

"Sweetheart, you must understand that I can't, won't, make love to you until we have sorted this mess out. If I do that it will just be sex and I don't ever want it to be just sex with you. I couldn't carry that memory with me. I already have enough bad memories to contend with."

She kissed his face. She knew he was right.

"Just lay with me Jake. Just lay with me and hold me."

He took her wine glass off of her and placed both the glasses on the bedside table next to the bottle of wine. They moved up the bed and lay together, their heads side by side on the pillow. He put his arm around her and she turned, lay with her head on the side of his chest. She bent her leg and moved it up onto his hip, ran her fingers through the hair on his chest.

"Sweetheart, you need to tell me about these bad memories you carry, you know that don't you. I need to understand what you've been through if I'm to understand you."

He sighed, "Rachel, I never wanted to burden you with all this, I wanted our relationship to stand on it's own, without the shadow of what has gone before falling over us."

"It doesn't have to cast a shadow over us Jake, but it did happen and you need to tell me about it. For my sake as much as yours. But how we choose to handle it is up to us. We can let it destroy us or we can use it to make our relationship stronger."

He sighed, was quiet for a few moments. "I guess you're right, but what you have to understand is how very, very awful it was from the beginning. It was an absolutely tragic chain of events Rachel."

He fell silent.

"Tell me Jacob. You know you need to tell me. Talk to me."

Eventually he spoke.

"Well, Maggie had just turned 35 and she decided that she wanted us to have a baby, was concerned that if we didn't start a family soon that it would be too late. Just came to me out of the blue one-day and told me. So she did all the right things, went for a medical check-up, started taking folate and other supplements, stopped drinking, gave up caffeine, everything. And within a month she began feeling nauseous and light-headed and of course, we thought she had fallen pregnant straight away. But when she did a home pregnancy test it was negative, test after test was negative but she kept feeling worse and worse. Eventually she went to the doctor and after they ran more tests they told us about the cancer. It was an aggressive form called Glioblastoma multiforme; they gave her less than 6 months.

You know Rachel, there are just some things in life you have no control over. It was like watching a train wreck in super slow motion. It was as though the cancer had a life of it's own and it didn't matter what we did, that tumour was going to take it's own course.

The parallels between the cancer that we hated and the pregnancy that we wanted, struck me again and again. When a woman falls pregnant, she starts to do things that she believes are going to help the baby, when in actual fact the vast majority of pregnancies will progress perfectly well with no interference whatsoever from the outside world. Once that fertilised egg is implanted into the wall of the uterus, a chain of events is set off which no amount of interference from the outside world is going to disrupt. That fertilised egg is going to develop and grow to a predetermined schedule regardless of what you do, and that baby will be born at the time determined by nature, no matter what.

Well that's exactly what Maggie's cancer was like, progressing to it's own predetermined schedule no matter what we tried. We did manage to keep her alive for 2 years, rather than the 6 months she was originally given but it only slowed the inevitable result, in hindsight we never had a chance of curing it."

He reached over to the bedside table and picked up the wine bottle, topped up their glasses, took a long drink.

He lay down again. This time she reached out her arm and put it around him, he rested his head on her breast. She stroked his hair as he continued speaking.

"Maggie's plan to fight it was just to get healthier, to eat the very best diet, to exercise, to meditate, to think positively, to spend her last months in meditation of her life, enjoying what time she had. But that wasn't enough for me. I was sure there must be something that could be done, so even though she didn't really want to go through it, she suffered through surgery, through experimental drug treatments, chemo, radiation, gene therapy, anything that I could find. And she did it for me because she knew that was the only way that I could cope with her illness. By feeling that I was somehow controlling it. And it seemed like it was working, because she lived past the 6 months that they had given her, and she lived past 12 months and she lived past 18 months.

But then the tumour burst into life again, bigger and more aggressive than before, and this time she had secondary cancers as well. It may have been that the surgery had allowed some cancerous cells to escape into her bloodstream, they couldn't tell us really. But at that point it became clear that she was truly done for. She just got sicker and sicker and nothing we tried was of any help. In the end all we could do was to be with her and try and ease her way.

She'd had quite a good week and the doctors decided that she could go home for the weekend. It was a beautiful sunny autumn day and she and Anna and I were sitting outside in the fresh air, talking and laughing. I could see that she was getting tired and I was going to take her inside, but out of the blue, I had the most profound and overwhelming feeling of grief. I've never felt anything like it Rachel, just sheer overwhelming sadness for having put her through all the pain and suffering that I had. It hit me in the heart, like something I had never felt before. I turned to her and tried to tell her how very, very sorry I was for making her suffer for all these months. For making her suffer through the pain of surgery, and countless tests, and needles, and invasive procedures.

She looked at me with her gentle eyes, and she put her hand on my face and told me quietly, her voice no more than a whisper..."

He rubbed his forehead with his long fingers, she could see he was close to breaking down. His voice cracked, "I remember her exact words because I've gone over these words in my head a thousand times. She touched my face and said to me, 'nothing in my life has ever meant more to me than you have. If everything I went through meant that I could spend just one more day on this earth with you, then it was all worth it. I wanted to win this for you, I wanted to get better for you but I can't do it any more. I've loved you more than life itself."

He shook his head.

"She said my name Rachel. And then she closed her eyes, rested her head back on the cushion. She just closed her eyes and died. Just went. With no warning, no fuss, no nothing. She was just gone."

He was silent for a few moments. She could feel the warmth of his tears running down her breast. She just let him be, let him tell his story without interruption.

"And I will never forget that scene Rachel, not if I live to be 150. And it doesn't matter how much I talk about it, how many times I go over it, how much Anna tries to analyse me, I will simply never forget. So all I can do is learn to live with it. Learn to live with the guilt that I made the woman that I loved suffer for my own selfish need. My own selfish need to not let her go. I'll never forgive myself for that Rachel. Never. In the end it wasn't just that I couldn't save her, that I couldn't protect her. It was that I made her suffer unnecessarily. I wouldn't do that to my dog, yet I did it to my wife."

"Oh Jake, don't do that to yourself…." the lump in her throat was so big she could barely breathe.

"I never wanted to tell you this, I never wanted to burden you with it. But I really need you to understand why I can't lose you as well."

She held his dark head closer to her. There was nothing she could do except hold him.

She felt profoundly guilty, for not understanding the depth of his grief, for demanding he accept her choice of job, for not listening to him before. How could she have been so selfish as to not realise how much he had been through, how much he was still suffering. She understood then what Anna had been trying to say to her. She remembered her saying that the decision that had to be made wouldn't be based on logic, that it would have to come from her heart.

She held him for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, she spoke.

"Jake, Anna tried to tell me, but I thought she was threatening me…"

He sighed. "Don't be too hard on Anna, Rachel. She's only trying to protect me. She knew Maggie a lot longer than I did, she was there all through her illness, she was there with me the day she died. You have to understand that we've been through such a lot together over so many years, that we'll always have a deep bond."

He shook his head.

"I really don't know why she told you about high school though, I don't know what she was trying to achieve by doing that."

"Why, isn't it true?"

"Oh it's true, but it's only true because she planned it that way."

"She asked you to take her virginity?"

"We'd been friends for a couple of years, hanging around in the same group. And because she's always been a deep thinking type of girl, she decided that she wanted her first time to be with someone who would respect her afterwards, didn't want to give herself away in a chance encounter fuelled by too much booze and too many hormones."

"And of course, being the incredibly nice boy you were you just had to oblige her I suppose"

He laughed, "listen Rachel, she might have been a sincere and deep thinking 15 year old girl, but I was a 17 year old boy, and I couldn't believe my fucking luck.

Anyhow, we went out for a few months afterwards until we decided, even back then, that the sex was getting in the way of our friendship, and what was most important was that we remained friends. So we broke it off, started seeing other people and we stayed close until we eventually both left for different colleges.

And we've stayed friends ever since. Sometimes we don't see each other for months, even years on end. Sometimes we're closer than others. But believe me when I tell you that as much as I love her as a close friend, I know, and she does too, that we aren't destined to be together. Lord knows we've tried over the years to have proper relationships, but they've never worked."

"She loves you Jacob, do you not realise that."

He sat up, moving up the bed until he was leaning against the headboard. Took a drink of his wine. She moved up and sat next to him.

"I know she loves me Rachel, and I love her, but not in the way that I love you. And it just doesn't work when we're together."

"She told me that if I broke your heart that she would make it work."

"She's just looking out for me Rachel. She knows as well as I do that it's never going to work for us as a couple, no matter how much we might try to make it.

After Maggie, I couldn't face her again. She was with Cooper and I just took the chance to disappear. It was quite strained between us for a long time because I knew she wanted me to talk to her, let her be my grief counsellor. She did take Tanner for me, but our relationship was probably as distant as it's ever been. It wasn't until that case involving the college students in Daytona Beach that I really started talking to her properly again. Maybe that case dragged up too many memories for me of the old days when we were close, maybe it had just got to the point where you were driving me completely insane with desire, I don't know.

Anyhow, I made that date to see her on the phone that you overheard, and I met up with her at Stanford a few days later. And it took a few days of reconnecting before we finally, well, you know, and yes, there were a couple more times over the following months, it wasn't just the once. But one of those nights I told her how I felt about you, and she broke it off with me completely then and there, told me to go and be with you. Said that I owed it to myself and to you, to be honest and to tell you how I felt. It was really her prompting that made me call you that night and meet you at the bar. It was really Anna that got us together."

She was a little taken aback by that. She certainly hadn't known that. "I don't understand how you ended up spending the night with her before you came here though"

"You do know that I would never have sex with another woman now, any other woman, don't you?" He frowned. "I love you Rachel. I would never betray you like that."

"But you spent the night with her didn't you?"

"Well, yes," he shrugged, "but we were both fully dressed. For the whole night. We just talked, we had dinner and we slept. I asked her to stay with me. I just didn't want to be alone. I was a little bit screwed up Rachel. I needed to talk to her."

"And you never thought about having sex with her."

"Well it might have crossed my mind once or twice, but I never would have actually gone through with it."

"Did you kiss her?"

"Not in a passionate way. Just as a friend."

She raised her eyebrows, looked a little sceptical.

"And did she get you hard."

He looked at her incredulously, "surely you're not really asking me that. You're not really asking me that. It's not always something you can control Rachel."

"So she did then."

"Come on, I think you've exhausted this line of questioning don't you?

"I'm only going down this track because she told me that she would have sex with you next time you came to her, she'd have sex with you if I broke your heart again."

He smiled, and shook his head, "I think I'm capable of deciding for myself who I'm going to have sex with. Look, don't ever feel threatened by Anna. She's fiercely protective but she only wants me to be happy, as I want her to be happy. And she knows as well as we both do, that I won't be happy until we've sorted out this job situation. Because no matter how I try Rachel, I just can't cope with the thought of you being a handler for someone else. And I can't cope with the thought of you in a dangerous job without me being by your side."

"Jake, I…"

"I know, I know," he raised his hand, "I know that you can't face a desk job, that you want to stick with field work, whatever form that may take. But I need to know that you're safe. It might not make any sense in here," he touched his head, "but I need to know it in here," he put his hand to his heart.

"In the end, I think what we both want is to keep doing the job that we're doing, together."

"It's funny, because I've been thinking that too," she commented. "In fact I was wondering; if we had to make the choice, what would be more important. Is it more important that we get to see each other every day and be together working, or is it more important for us to be sleeping together. What if we give up our job and then this," she indicated around them, "doesn't work. You realise that we'll end up with nothing don't you."

"You are joking aren't you?" he asked, frowning. "You're not seriously suggesting that we should, that we could, stop being together now. And just work together."

"Well," she shrugged, "it was a thoug…"

He turned to her, held her face in his hands. "I love you Rachel, and I thought you loved me. I could never, ever stop loving you now. How could I possibly work with you every day and not kiss you."

"Thank god." She leaned forward and kissed him full on the mouth. "I was so frightened you were going to say it was a good idea. I couldn't do it either. But what if we can't work out this job thing. I can't bear to lose you Jake. I don't think I could survive."

She kissed him again, desperately, passionately, trying to show him with her mouth what she couldn't articulate with her words.

He pulled back a little as she continued to kiss him, started talking again, "that's the thing though Rachel, I know there's a solution, I've really started to believe that there's a solution. But I can't put my finger on it. It's in my brain, its just here," he indicated to the right of his temple, "but I can't quite grasp it. I can sense it, I can taste it, but I just can't see it."

She stopped kissing him, sat back a little, looked at him, "you think there's a solution, really, do you really Jake or are you just teasing me. Because if I could keep doing my job and you could keep doing yours and we could keep doing them together and we could keep protecting each other like we always have…."

"What do you mean like we always have, you're the one with the gun Rachel," he interrupted.

"Yes, but you're the one with the brain, you've thought us out of many situations that I couldn't shoot us out of, we're a team Jake and neither of us work as well without the other. You saved my life when you got me out of that smallpox centre, you saved my life when I had that arrow in my thigh, don't ever forget that. If you hadn't have found me, found that woman's baby, I'd be dead now without a doubt. And I want you by my side at work and at home."

He raised his eyebrows, "I thought I was annoying."

"Oh will you just get over that. You are annoying sometimes. That's why I love you. So now we need you to work out how the hell we're going to keep doing it, because Frank Fuller didn't seem to me to be likely to let it happen."

He sighed, "I don't know what the answer is Rachel, I just know there is one."

He looked at the clock next to the bed. It read 11.47pm, "maybe we should sleep on it, you must be exhausted. And I'll need to call the airline first thing and organise us both onto the same flight home."

He kissed her lightly, "Listen, I'm going to take a leak and brush my teeth. When I come back we're going to get some sleep." He got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

While he was gone she unzipped her suitcase and got out her toiletries and a red satin nightdress. When he returned, he had ditched the towel and was wearing black trunks. She thought he looked incredibly sexy. Black suited him. Even if it was only on his sexy ass.

She went to the bathroom and got changed, cleaned her teeth, brushed her hair. She looked in the mirror; surely he wasn't really going to refuse to have sex with her. On his birthday. After she had travelled all this way to see him. He looked so gorgeous and she wanted him so much. It all seemed so unfair.

But regardless, she felt hopeful and happier than she had in weeks. She went back into the room and hung her clothes in the closet, plugged her mobile phone into the charger and flicked the do not disturb sign on the hotel room door.

As she busied herself, he lay in the bed, hands behind his head, watching her. She looked so sexy in the red satin, and he was enjoying the view of the silky fabric sliding over her ass as she moved around the room. Jesus, he thought the French lace lingerie was sexy until he saw this. She was making the no sex thing exceedingly difficult.

He didn't understand why she would feel insecure about Anna. Shit, she was the one that made him fucking hard as hell, not Anna. He couldn't help but imagine how it would feel running his hands over her body in that nightgown. He loved her body; it was womanly, curvy, soft. He closed his eyes; he had to stop looking at her.

He felt her climb into bed next to him, and cuddle up into his chest, warm and soft and fragrant. "I'm going to sleep so well tonight Jake. I've missed your arms around me. I love you so much."

He reached over to the bedside table and switched off the room lights. Slipped his arms around her and pulled her into him. The satin felt silky and sensual against his skin. He sighed. 'Don't get distracted Jacob. Don't start thinking about sex again. Concentrate.' he thought to himself.

They lay quietly for a few minutes. Their feet moving slowly, entwining around each other.

Eventually he spoke.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you at the beach house. It was wrong of me. I overreacted to the accident and I treated you badly."

"I treated you badly too. I shouldn't have been so flippant about the car."

"You weren't to know."

"Even so, I didn't really do the right thing when I told you. What happened to it?"

"It's being fixed. Probably take another month or so, but they said they could fix it. We'll see. I shouldn't have done what I did to you though Rachel. I feel bad about that."

"You were quite drunk Jake."

"That's never an excuse though. I should have treated you with more respect."

"It's partly my fault. I should have treated myself with more respect. I shouldn't have let you do it."

She paused.

"The sex was good though. It was really good Jacob. That thing with the fly buttons on your jeans…"

"Ssssh," he said. "Don't remind me. It was still wrong. I shouldn't have tried to manipulate you like that. And I'll give you your keys back."

"It doesn't matter what you say though Jake, the sex was fantastic. It's always fantastic with you. Sometimes all I can think about is having sex with you. That's all I can think about now."

Her words flared through his cock like a bolt of lightening. 'Jesus Rachel,' he thought, 'give me a break.'

He sighed, kissed her hair and the side of her neck, "I love you Rachel. Sleep well my beautiful girl."

After a few moments, she spoke.

"Jake," she whispered, "if we've worked everything out, why can't we have sex now?"

"Because we haven't worked it all out yet, love."

"Are you sure? Because it feels like we have to me"

"Yes I'm sure. Until I can figure out how we're going to work together, it might still all fall apart."

She groaned, "but Jake…."

"No sex. Just pretend we're on assignment."

"But…"

"No buts, now go to sleep."

"You're so mean to me"

"I'm mean? I'm not the one who turned up wearing French lace and stockings…."

"You should, it'd suit you."

"Go to sleep you fucking cheeky girl."

He buried his face in her hair, inhaled her scent. His groin was throbbing and uncomfortable. It was going to be a long night.


	2. And A Little More Action

I really split this story into two chapters just so I could have two soundtracks! I've always wanted to drive that dusty road from Monroe to Angeline……

Soundtrack: Prove It All Night – The Boss

Everybody's got a hunger

A hunger they can't resist

There's so much that you want

You deserve much more than this

Well if dreams came true

Ah wouldn't that be nice

But this ain't no dream we're living through tonight

Ah girl, you want it, you take it, you pay the price

To prove it all night, prove it all night

Prove it all night girl and call the bluff

We'll prove it all night, prove it all night

And girl I'll prove it all night for your love

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

She felt his body move closer to hers. His arm was around her waist and he pulled her into him tight. She felt him still hard against her back. 'Oh god Jake, how can you do this to me all night?' she thought. Her eyes fluttered open for what must have been the hundredth time and she took a quick look at the digital clock next to the bed. It read 2.14am.

"Rachel," he whispered into her ear. "Are you awake my beautiful girl?"

"Mmmm, well I can't really sleep with 3 of us in the bed like this," she murmured drowsily.

His body was warm and hard and alive and the feel of his erection in her back and his hands on her body had kept her aroused all night.

"What do you mean, the three of us?"

She ran her hand down to his trunks, "well, you, me, and him." She stroked the length of him firmly upwards, along the underside of his heavy cock, his erection clearly straining to escape the constraints of his pants.

He groaned at the feel of her hand stroking him. "I'm sorry Rachel, I thought I could wait til we got home and sorted everything out, but I can't spend another moment in this bed without making love to you. After what happened at the beach house, I didn't want sex to define our relationship, that's why I thought we should wait. But I'm desperate for you."

"Please Jacob," she whispered, "I want you so much."

"Jesus Christ Rachel," he murmured. "You make me so unbelievably hard. I can hardly fucking bear it. It's so dark. I just want to feel your warm skin and listen to your beautiful voice. I need to touch your sexy body. I need to be inside you."

"Talk to me Jake, touch me and talk to me, make love to me and whisper to me. The sound of your voice is like pure sex to me."

His hands glided slowly across the red satin nightdress, "Why did you choose tonight to tease me like this? You're driving me fucking crazy with this beautiful thing."

"Well it is your birthday sweetheart, and I thought you'd like it."

"You know I love it," he murmured, cupping her breast in his hand through the silky fabric, feeling the hardness of her nipple against his palm. "You know why they make this kind of thing though don't you, you know why this fabric is so gloriously erotic?"

"No, tell me Jake."

He whispered throatily, "its because this is exactly how it feels slipping inside the silky warmth of your body."

She drew breath, she'd always liked the feel of silky fabrics but hadn't realised the sexual connotations.

He ran his hand down over the curve her hip to the round firmness of her bottom encased in the satin. "I just want to hold you here and open you and slip inside you. I know you'll be silky smooth and wet and warm around me."

"Jacob…" She could barely breathe.

All the while he was whispering to her and touching her body, he was nuzzling at her neck, gently kissing her shoulders and behind her ears. His warm breath, hot words and gentle hands combined to make her body scream for his.

She wanted to feel him, and she turned slightly towards him, ran her hand down his belly to his groin, felt his glorious thick erection again through his trunks. She slipped her thumbs in the waistband and pulled them down releasing him.

He exhaled slowly, "thank god, that feels so much better." She pushed his trunks down further until he was able to kick them off, then completely naked, he stretched out the full length of his long legs and she felt his cock lengthen and harden even further.

"Jesus Christ Jake. I love the feel of you." She wrapped her small hand around him as far as it would go, and moved it slowly from the base to the head, marvelling at the feel of his luxurious skin over the steel hardness of him. In the dark, with nothing else to distract her senses, she could literally feel his blood pulsing through him beneath her fingers. He felt so alive.

She'd been with her fair share of lovers in her time, but never before had she felt such pleasure in the feeling of a man. Never before had she wanted to touch him so much, she loved the feel of him in her hand and in her mouth, she wanted to feel him between her thighs. "You're dripping," she whispered, his tip was wet and slick and she ran the palm of her hand over it spreading the thick, warm wetness down the full length of him.

He thrust himself up into her hand, "that feels so fucking good, Rachel," he murmured.

"I want you inside me Jake, I've waited so long and you make me so hot."

She wished she could see his face, see his lidded eyes dark and aroused, his gentle lips parted, the tip of his tongue snaking around her nipples. But she found it easier to talk in the dark. She heard herself saying things to him that she never would in the daylight. As though it were someone else speaking.

"I want the feel of your body on mine," she whispered, "take me from behind so I can feel you pressed against me. I want you inside me and on me, don't ever stop touching me."

She let go of his cock, turned slightly back the other way and pushed her bottom back into him, rubbing herself against his hardness. She felt incredibly sexual, catlike, erotic, she wanted him to hold her roughly by the hips and thrust into her.

"Slowly Rachel," he whispered hoarsely. "You're going to make me come. I'm so turned on right now." She took a breath, steadied herself against him. "And I don't want this to be over yet. I want this to last, I want to make love to you forever."

He moved his hands over her body, still encased in the silky nightdress. He caressed her breasts slowly and played with her sensitive nipples, sending shooting messages down to her groin. She felt hot and desperate, knew how wet she must be. He nibbled at her ear and licked her neck and she turned her head for him to kiss her, deeply and passionately, his broad tongue thrusting deep inside her mouth in the way she wanted his cock to thrust inside her body.

Unable to bear it any longer, she put her hand on top of his and slid it down to her thighs, parting them slightly so he could move his hand in between them. He slipped his fingers in the waistband of her panties and drew them effortlessly down her legs.

"Oh Rachel," he slipped his fingers inside her and she felt him shudder at the feel of her, hot & wet. She was on fire at his touch. With his slick, skilful fingers he caressed her, and in the space of what seemed like seconds she came hard against his hand.

He was breathing heavily into her neck, "I didn't think you could make me any hotter Rachel. I'm desperate for you now."

"For god sake Jacob, fuck me, fuck me now, please…"

He moved slightly on top of her, turning her to half face the bed. He nuzzled into her neck and the feel of his big warm, naked body pressed up behind her made her literally purr.

"I need to feel you inside me."

She was on her stomach, her head facing to the left, and he slid his left hand down her leg, slipped his hand under her knee and drew it up the bed, to her waist, bending her leg, opening her for him. And with his mouth on her neck, one hand wrapped around her breasts and the other one holding her knee up against the sheet, he slid deep inside her with one swift motion. He stayed there for a few moments, breathing heavily.

"Do you have any idea how it feels to be inside you again?" He spoke roughly, lustfully.

She loved the feel of his body pressed against her. "God Jake, this is heavenly, why haven't we done it like this before."

"Sweetheart, there are so many things we haven't done yet. And I'm going to do every single one of them to you. But right now, if you'll excuse me, I really, really need to fuck you… hard."

"Please…"

Holding her tight up against him, he started moving his hips, thrusting deep, deep inside her. She loved the forward motion of being fucked from behind. The way his big cock banged hard up against the front of her vagina drove her insane and she groaned, she knew she was going to come again and when she did, he was going to lose it.

He was taking her with deep, long controlled strokes, his chest screaming with the effort of not losing control, of not just taking her hard and fast and blowing like a fucking steam train, but he could feel she was close to the edge again and he wanted her to orgasm while he was inside her.

"Come for me baby," he whispered into her ear. "I want to feel you pulsing around me." He moved her hips slightly so he could angle deeper and she gasped. He feeling of her buttocks pressed up against him was driving him insane.

"I need this off of you," he said urgently, "I need to feel your skin." He drew the nightdress up and she put her hands above her head so he could slip it off. She felt his hands glide down her naked body. His hands were big and warm and masculine and they each found a resting place, one around her body cupping her breasts, his finger caressing her nipples, the other between her legs. His mouth explored her neck, her shoulders, her back; it felt like there was not a single piece of her skin that he wasn't touching. And all the while he was pounding into her, deep and long and hard.

"I can't see you but I can feel you baby, I can feel every inch of you." The slow steady pressure of his thrusts and his expert fingers between her legs, his velvet voice in her ear and his big, warm naked body pressed hard against her back were more than her mind could comprehend. She was incapable of rational thought and she just surrendered herself to the feeling, the feeling of him and only him. It embraced her, caressed her, overtook her and she knew she was his.

He felt her body stiffen in his arms, felt the strong muscles inside her contract and pulse around him. She groaned and shuddered, gasped his name. The feeling of her internal muscles working him were too much for him to bear. He gripped her hips tightly, pulled her up to him and rammed home. Two long weeks of pent up frustration swept over him. Months of desire, months of love. A primal urge to impregnate her overtook him, a primal urge to mark her as his own. He needed to possess her, he needed to protect her. She was his.

"Fuck, I can't hold on any longer baby, I have to come, I need to make you mine," he gasped, as he slammed into her hard and fast. She could feel his heavy balls slap against her body.

"I am yours, I want to feel you, I want to feel you come hard inside me." She arched her back, trying to get him deeper and deeper. She heard the tone of his breathing change, heard his uncontrollable primal groan, felt his cock throb hard as he came again and again, filling her with heat.

"I love you Jacob," she whispered.

Then he collapsed against her, his chest heaving, his body slick and wet and hot against her back.

Jesus Christ Rachel," he gasped. "Don't ever leave me again. I won't make it through the make up sex next time."

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

She awoke slowly, not really knowing where she was. She felt strangely alone, and realised that he wasn't in the bed with her. The events of the night came slowly back to her and she yawned and stretched. No wonder she still felt tired. That hadn't been the only time they'd made love during the night, he had been insatiable, taken her twice more in the dark and then again as the dawn light started to filter into the room. Watching his beautiful face in the half-light as he made love to her was almost more than she could bear and she'd struggled not to break down. The thought that she'd almost lost him, almost driven him away, kept coming back to her. Please she thought, please let us find a way to keep working together, a way to stay together.

She could hear him in the shower so just snuggled down beneath the blankets, luxuriating in the deeply erotic memories of the night.

Eventually, he finished in the bathroom and walked out dressed in nothing but a pair of jeans. He never failed to impress her straight out of the shower. There was something about that damp, freshly shaven look that turned her on. He just looked so handsome.

He pulled a crisp blue shirt off a hanger in the closet, slipped it on and proceeded to do up the buttons with his long fingers.

"Sorry beautiful, did I wake you? I thought I'd try and let you catch up on some sleep. But," he looked at her hopefully, "if you're awake, how about you have a quick shower and we go and get some breakfast. I am absolutely starving. When you arrived last night I was about to take a shower and have some dinner and I ended up doing neither. And after four sessions of fucking mind-blowing sex, I could literally eat a horse."

"I love a man with an appetite," she laughed. "And I have to say you did a great job of upholding your rule last night. What happened to not having sex til we sorted things out and got back to Bethany?"

He shrugged. "Rules were made to be broken Rachel, particularly rules that involve _me_ not having sex with _you_." He leaned over and kissed her. "Now you had better get that pretty little ass out of that bed and into the shower before I eat you."

She laughed, "what, again!"

When she had finished in the shower and had dried her hair and dressed, she came out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the bed hoeing down cake like a man who'd never eaten before. She could tell he must really be hungry, cake wasn't the kind of thing he liked to eat first thing in the morning and he'd already had one enormous piece by the look of it, and was starting on another.

She laughed.

"This is fantastic cake Rachel, where did you get it from?"

"What do you mean, where did I get it from, I made it of course."

"You made it? At home?"

"Yep"

"And carried it all the way to Geneva?"

"Absolutely, on my lap, for 8 hours."

"You are a crazy woman. Why didn't you just buy one here."

"Because birthday cakes should always be made with love, Jacob. I will never, ever buy you a birthday cake as long as I have the strength in my arms to make you one filled with love."

He looked at her intensely, thoughtfully. "That's a beautiful philosophy, Rachel. That must be why this cake tastes so good; here have some," he held out a piece of the dense moist carrot cake. "And you even put some vegetables in it to keep me happy." He laughed. "Thankyou so much sweetheart."

"I still need some breakfast though," he said, as she tasted the cake. She had to admit it was good. Obviously love was indeed the secret ingredient to the perfect cake.

"Plus, take a look at this," he pulled open the curtains to reveal an expansive view of the River Rhone bathed in weak autumn sunlight.

"Wow," she was taken aback. "It was dark when I got here last night, I had no idea this is where the hotel was."

"Well I've called the airline and moved myself onto your flight, so we have the whole day here. We won't need to be at the airport until 9pm then it's the red-eye home." He slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her lightly. "So lets go out and get some breakfast, wander around the city. Be tourists for a change."

They hadn't long left the hotel and were walking along the river to find a café, when Jacob's cell phone rang.

"Frank," he said to her as he flipped it open to take the call.

"Hey Buddy," he said

"Yes, I know you did, she told me.

No, she's here now.

Well I didn't think so either but I think fucking Dragon Ball Cox gave her a bit of a hard time and….

No we haven't yet,

I know we do.

Yep.

Yep.

Listen Frank; don't push me on this, you know….

No, I don't,

Yeah, I understand that but I won't re-sign unless I'm happy with the situation,

Well you might just have to do something about it then.

No, I just think….

Good god, you're the Director of the FBI Frank. I don't believe you have no influence at all.

Well that's something for you to decide I guess,

No, I won't.

Well I'll be sorry as well but unless you can….

Ok, I think that might be for the best.

Listen, seeing as she's here with me now, can you arrange her a couple of days leave. If we've got decisions to make we need some time to make them and I'm telling you right now that you won't be assigning her to some other asshole without my say so.

I'm not your employee Frank, so don't threaten me, it won't make any difference to me where I…

Well, maybe you'll just end up losing us both then.

It's no skin off my nose Frank. You know me well enough….

Ok, well we'll leave it at that for now then,

Yep, we'll see you on Friday.

Ok, take care."

He flipped the phone shut and looked at her, eyebrows raised. "He's not happy. Wants to see us both on Friday."

She nodded

"You won't need to go back in til then. So we might get few days at the beach house after all."

She sighed, took his hand in hers and they continued their walk along the Rhone.

"I think you're going to have to get that brain into gear Jake. If the answer is already in your head, I really hope you can find it before Friday. Otherwise we're going to be in deep shit. Perhaps if your head wasn't full of so much useless crap, you might be able to find the answer in there."

He stopped and looked at her, eyebrows raised. She thought for one awful moment that he was going to lose his temper with her again.

Then he laughed, and grabbed her round the waist, "I'll throw you in this fucking river if you keep being cheeky to me, now lets find some decent breakfast and some good coffee. Oh and I have to buy you some chocolate from a little place I found round the corner. And some ice cream, you'll love the ice cream. I tell you, you'll be wanting to have sex with me again after you try the ice-cream."

"If it's that good maybe we should take some back for Frank, get him to lighten up a bit."

He frowned, "I don't know about that. I'm not sure I want to have sex with Frank."

"You fool," she laughed.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

After her night of glorious sex with Jake, Rachel has her mojo well and truly back and wants to tell you that she's not happy with the soundtracks for this story. She's just about had enough of Jacob's choices. She saw the clip for this song on the plane on the way to Geneva and thinks it would have been a much better soundtrack to this story.

And before you laugh, she says to check out the video on youtube and you'll know why she likes it (although there should be less dancing in the clip and more of the wet men with tattoos in her opinion!)

Rachel's Soundtrack: Love Is a Hurricane - Boyzone

I want to spend my life with you right by my side

Cause when you kiss my lips, I see lightening in the sky

Its like one step forward and two steps back

Your love is like a hurricane

When you're with me, I'm on track

We're riding on a crazy train

I'll be fine if you're mine, at the end of the line


End file.
